Lesson on My Wellness Journey: Setting a Goal, Motivation, & A Deadline

My first lesson was how to set a wellness goal that was meaningful and would actually work. This means setting a goal that is so meaningful to you that it is something you love, that is motivating, and keeps you on your path, even when you want to wander off of it.

For me, setting a goal of looking more attractive to others (as in the thin, socially acceptable ideal) will always fail. Similarly, setting the goal to make others happy or set an example for my children as the main focus would also fail. I was not doing this for myself, I was doing it for other's approval. I have done this in the past and never made progress.

Similarly, setting weight loss as the main goal was also missing the point. Weight is correlated with fitness, but it is not the defining factor of fitness. Also, focusing too much on the physical is imbalanced with the changes needed to mind and spirit. It makes it seem as if the body can be different, all problems will be solved. Nothing can be further from the truth. If you have ever lost and regained weight, you are well aware of that illusion.

The honest truth is that your goal needs to be all about and for you. What you truly want to be happy, not what someone else is telling you that you should want. Yes, I wanted to set a good example for my children; yes, I wanted to look "good"; yes, I wanted "pretty" clothes to fit me, to make my partner proud of me, but those goals are not enough to sustain me to make major life changes. I had to set something that was meaningful and important to me.

I set a goal at the very beginning of being healthier and stronger. I pictured having heart problems, and was very afraid of that destination, knowing that I am at risk for that outcome. I wanted to have energy, to be able to challenge my body with yoga poses, I wanted to be able to have physical stamina. But, more than anything, I wanted to be STRONG. Life had really had a toll on me. After experiencing loss, rejection, and trauma, having PTSD, being a workaholic, going through college non-stop and a rigorous Masters and then Doctoral program, having a life-threatening issue that I needed surgery to correct, being sick constantly, and then fighting through my sexual harassment case at work,  I felt weak. I hated that feeling. I longed for that feeling of strength - not just physical strength, but of mental strength - of feeling like I could handle anything - that I had all the tools I needed to survive and thrive. As much as other people may have thought I already had that, I did not. Most of the time, I felt like I was barely making it. I would literally collapse for days at a time with an illness when my body gave up after pushing it too far. I wanted that change for myself. I wanted to honor and respect myself.

It was hard to picture that outcome, mostly because I had never had it. I had never truly been healthy - every time I had lost weight, it was in an unhealthy, restrictive dieting way. I had never felt strong; in my late teens, I caught mono, and I never had energy after that. I constantly felt fatigued and sick. I always took care of everyone else and never myself. I always worked too hard.

This was a December 2016 celebration of my receiving full professorship. I had already started my wellness journey here; while everyone drank wine and ate decadent desserts, I ate raw vegetables and fruit. I kept reminding myself that I wanted to feel as accomplished with my personal life as I felt in my academic life (as well as using all of the coping mechanisms I will talk about in later posts).

I believed that this goal was possible for me - I truly hoped it. And I knew that to do nothing was to accept the inevitable path of illness and fatigue. I wanted to choose another path.

I also believe that it helped me to have a deadline. I chose my 40th birthday - I knew that I might not reach my ultimate goal by then, but I wanted to make significant progress by that date. Having a date or even in mind really helped me stay on my path, knowing that that destination on my path would definitely arrive no matter what happened, and the only control I could exert is how far down my wellness path I was when it did.

My first lesson was this: Choose a meaningful goal that is JUST for you - that is something that you want for yourself, something that makes you smile just thinking of that destination. This is the best start you can find on your journey. There are many more tools that you need, but this is the first.

In this picture, I was choosing an apple over the Chicago style pizza, the smell of which was wafting through the Chicago airport I was in at the time. This picture reminds me of my goal and determination - which required mental strength and determination, not just physical. And the fact that I look strong in it (yay for arm muscles!) and you can see my bear totem earrings (a totem meaning strength) are a total bonus.

I share this lesson, not as only one for physical fitness, but for life. Whatever goals you set for yourself, if you are doing them for approval or for someone else, they will not bring you happiness. Only by honoring yourself and choosing a goal that is meaningful for what you want will you find fulfillment and happiness.